What Are Lawyers Here For?

     Time for some laugh!

     I was Googling for stuff to lighten up my mood when I stumbled upon these lawyer articles that had me laughing in stitches.  Sharing the ones that I found quite unforgettable, read on!

When Grandma Goes To Court

(This one here is my favorite which I shared on my Facebook two years ago).

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. 

     In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.  He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'  She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.  You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.  You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.  Yes, I know you.'

     The lawyer was stunned.  Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

     She again replied, 'Why yes, I do.  I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.  He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.  He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.  Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.  One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

     The defense attorney nearly died.

     The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

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The Accident

     A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.  As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side.  The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

     Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.  His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it.  When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

     "I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

     "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.  The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down?  It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

     "My God!" screamed the lawyer.  "My Rolex!"

Copied from here.

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Something for the Dear Departed

    A lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend.  In his grief, one of the three said, “In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they’ll have something to spend over there.”

     They all agreed that this was appropriate.  The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same.  The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

Postal Service Dilemma

     The Postal Service just had to recall their latest new stamp issue.  Lawyers were part of the design and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Copied from here.

You First

Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case.

     "Look," said one to the other, "let's be honest with each other."

     "Okay, you first," replied the other.

That was the end of the discussion.

It's a Lawyer!

     A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day.  The snake reached out, touched the rabbit and said, "you're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears.  You must be a rabbit."  The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said "you're slimy, beady-eyed and low to the ground.  You must be a lawyer."

Copied from here.

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Q:  Why do they bury lawyers 27 feet under?

A:  Because deep, deep down, they're good people!

Q:  How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A:  Their lips move.

Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

A. Professional courtesy.

Q:  What's wrong with Lawyer jokes?

A:  Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes

Copied from here.

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     There you go folks!  Hope you had a good laugh like I did.  Some of my favorite TV series have lawyers in them like "Suits," "The Good Wife," and "The Good Fight."  I like lawyers, that's what I mean.  Thanks for dropping by and until my next wandering!

tags: best lawyer jokes